Bittersweet
by poisonivy231
Summary: Post 3x01. Kurt is so impressed by Blaine's performance in front of the school and his joining McKinley that he's desperate to try something new. He doesn't realise that maybe Blaine wasn't ready for that. Oneshot.


_Author's Note: It's only a couple of hours until the new episode, so I really wanted to get this up beforehand. This idea wandered into my head and I've never written anything with this kind of dynamic before. I always love new writing experiences and hope you'll love it, too!_

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><p><em>Bittersweet<em>

Kurt pushed Blaine back onto his before crawling onto his lap. He reached between them to work open the button and zipper of Blaine's bright red jeans, ducking his head to bite hard on the other boy's bottom lip. Blaine grabbed Kurt's ass, holding him close. When Kurt dipped his tongue into the other boy's mouth and succeeded in unzipping his jeans all the way, Blaine pulled back.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why the rush?" he asked, cheeks flushed red.

Kurt ground against him and began undoing his own jeans as he replied. "You can't sing a song for me in front of the whole of McKinley, wearing a bowtie, and not expect me to jump you."

"Kurt," Blaine said with a laugh that choked off into a moan as Kurt rutted against him again, "that was two days ago."

"I know. But you're still wearing a bowtie." He began to undo the item in question and, having placed it reverently on the bed beside them, began on the buttons of Blaine's shirt.

Blaine snorted at him and reached up to return the bowtie favour. "You're ridiculous."

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to want my boyfriend now?"

"No, you are. You definitely are. Just…bowties?"

"Isn't that why you wear them?" Kurt said, smirking at the other boy and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He ran his hands down Blaine's chest, bare now he'd unbuttoned the other boy's shirt.

"Only for you," Blaine said, bumping their noses together.

"That didn't actually make any sense." Kurt shrugged his now open shirt off his shoulders. "But I love you, so it's okay."

"Why are you so cruel to me?" Blaine said, running his fingertips up Kurt's arms and across his shoulders, making the other boy lean his head back a little. Blaine took the opportunity to kiss his neck, biting it softly.

"I'm like this with everyone."

"You're this frisky with everyone? I thought we agreed on exclusivity."

"Shut up, Blaine."

The shorter boy laughed and gripped the back of Kurt's head, pulling him back into a kiss. He licked into Kurt's mouth, sucking on the other boy's tongue. He could feel Kurt starting to rock against him, feel their erections rubbing against each other through their jeans and he moaned.

Kurt scrambled off the other boy's lap and Blaine let out a whine of frustration, reaching for him again. Kurt began to pull his jeans off and gestured for Blaine to do the same. Blaine complied, also tugging his shirt off his arms. He stretched his arms out to a now completely naked Kurt, trying to drag him back so they could rock against each other and maybe use their hands like they had last time and Blaine just wanted to _come_. The other boy didn't let him, though.

Kurt dropped to his knees. Blaine blinked down at him, evidently not aware of what was about to happen. Kurt smirked at him and pulled his briefs past his cock, slipping them swiftly down Blaine's legs and throwing them across the room. Blaine started to say something, but Kurt cut him off by sucking the other boy into his mouth. Blaine gasped and threw his head back, scrunching the bedsheets in his fists. He breathed hard, staring at the ceiling as Kurt began to draw his mouth back down the other boy's length, sucking hard.

"Kurt," Blaine choked out, "Kurt, wai—"

Kurt just sank his mouth back down the other boy and hummed around him. Blaine's back arched and he couldn't help but twist his fingers into Kurt's hair. He didn't think he'd ever felt anything as amazing as Kurt's mouth: it was hot, wet and sucking at him in a way that made stars shoot in front of his eyes. There was the voice, though, in the back of his mind, telling him that he didn't want this. He wasn't ready for this and he wished he could say something but Kurt kept on _taking_ and Blaine couldn't help it because he was so overwrought with pleasure that he couldn't think straight.

Kurt kept up a steady pace, lips stretched around Blaine as he bobbed his head, sucking on every pull out. He looked up, trying to catch the other boy's eye, trying to smile wickedly at him, but Blaine wasn't looking at him. He had his head tipped back and was staring at the ceiling. His hands, which had untangled themselves from Kurt's hair, were beside him on the bed. Apart from where Kurt's mouth was around him, Blaine didn't seem to be connected to him at all. Kurt tried not to be fazed by it; they had never done this before, so Blaine was probably just a bit overwhelmed. Kurt lifted his hand to pump at the base of Blaine's cock, humming in satisfaction when the boy above him let out a strangled cry. Kurt licked at the head of Blaine's cock, pressing the tip of his tongue into the slit. Blaine started to writhe and he grinned, sliding back down until his lips were pressed against his hand. He looked up again, but Blaine still wasn't watching him. He started to swallow around the other boy's cock, occasionally swirling his tongue around it, pressing it flat to the thick vein on the underside. He could see Blaine falling apart above him, clutching at the sheets so hard his knuckles went white and stretching his neck back.

Blaine's hips started to rock towards Kurt and the brunet knew what was about to happen. He sucked harder, moving his head faster. Blaine started to keen above him, shuddering all over and then he was coming, hot down Kurt's throat. It spilled out of the edges of Kurt's mouth as he tried to swallow it all, tried to experience everything about Blaine because he had been waiting _forever_ to know what he tasted like, how he would feel in Kurt's mouth, the sounds he'd make when Kurt did this.

When he felt Blaine start to go soft in his mouth, Kurt pulled off, licking around his mouth to catch the escaped come. He settled back and looked up at his boyfriend with a wide grin. The other boy was coming back to himself now, eyes refocusing as he finally let his shoulders slump, all the built up tension finally released. His fingers were limp by his side, all his muscles completely weak.

"Oh my god," Blaine whispered. His eyes were wide and when Kurt looked he saw that they were unusually bright. "I…" A sob fought its way out of Blaine's throat. "Oh, god."

"Blaine, what's wrong?" Kurt asked, terrified by the tears pooling in Blaine's eyes. "Was it…fuck, Blaine, was it that bad?"

Blaine shook his head frantically, trying not to let the tears fall down his cheeks. "No, no, not at all. It wasn't…it's not…you didn't…I just wish you would've _asked_ first."

"What are you talking about?" Kurt said, taking Blaine's hands and speaking softly to the other boy. Blaine pulled his hands out of Kurt's grip, clutching them to his chest.

"I-I wasn't ready for that. I thought you'd ask me before you just…before you…Kurt, I've thought about it, of course I have," he said, giving up on not crying now, "but I didn't actually want to _do_ it yet. I'm not ready. Then it just felt so good and I didn't know how to tell you to stop and you just didn't _ask_ first and now…I feel…God, I don't know how I feel. But I didn't want to." Blaine pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. Kurt just stared at him, gradually feeling more and more ridiculous as he continued to kneel on the floor. He stood up and looked at the boy curled on his bed. He reached out a hand, but it just fluttered uselessly around Blaine's shoulder when he realised the other boy probably didn't want him to touch him.

"Blaine," he said over the sound of the other boy crying, "I'm _so_ sorry. I just assumed you would be ready before me. I…" He sat heavily on the bed, not close enough to brush against his boyfriend. He realised they were both completely naked, uncomfortably so. "You always initiated everything. You kissed me first. You said you loved me first. You started doing _things_ first, you know? I always thought you were ready before I was. You seem so confident all the time and you offered to teach me about sex way back when were friends and I didn't…I didn't think it would ever be this way round."

Blaine drew in a shaky breath and turned his head on his knees to look at the other boy. "But we never talked about it. I thought that was okay." He choked a little, a sob working its way out of his throat. "I thought we knew each other well enough. I _love_ you, Kurt. I didn't think we'd ever have this problem. I just assumed you'd know if I wasn't ready. God, I'm so stupid." He buried his face in his knees again and his back started to shake.

"No, Blaine, no." Kurt desperately wanted to reach out and pull Blaine into his arms, but he knew the other boy would just twist out of his grasp. "It wasn't you. We should have talked about it. We were so…so conceited to think that being in love meant we didn't have to have conversations like that. And I'm so sorry because I know it was me. It was me and my stupid inability to talk about sex with anyone and I can't even _begin_ to apologise enough. And I was so insensitive. I didn't –" he brushed at the tears falling from his eyes – "I didn't even ask you. What kind of boyfriend does that?"

Blaine tightened his arms around his legs. "Please, Kurt, don't blame this all on yourself," he said quietly to his knees. "It was both of us."

"But I'm the one that did it, Blaine, and I—"

"And I'm the one that let you. I let you do it and then I cried about it afterwards. I made you think you'd done it wrong, Kurt. The first time you do that and I _cry_. That's a terrible boyfriend. I couldn't even hold it in until I left."

Kurt gaped at him for a second, then reached out, Blaine's skittishness be damned. He hooked one arm around Blaine's back and the other under his knees and pulled the boy into his lap, cradling him close. "Don't ever say something like that again."

Blaine blinked up at him, shocked at how Kurt at manoeuvred him. Now that he was here, though, held in Kurt's arms, it didn't feel as bad as he had expected. He felt safer this way.

"Don't," Kurt continued, "ever think you should pretend to be okay when you're not. I don't care that this wasn't perfect for me. I _hurt_ you, Blaine, and you shouldn't try to say I didn't."

"But I hurt you, too," Blaine said, leaning his head against Kurt's shoulder. The other boy stroked his calf gently.

"No, you didn't. I feel like a horrible person, but I'm not hurt."

"Kurt—"

"I'm going to feel bad for a while, so don't even try to talk me out of it. I can't really find a way to forgive myself for this."

Blaine sniffled and curled into Kurt's chest. He pressed a kiss to the boy's collarbone. "I forgive you."

"How can you? Blaine, I just—"

"Shh," Blaine said, kissing Kurt's skin again. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine and it wasn't yours. It was _our_ fault. I'm sorry it happened and we're going to have to stick to strictly kissing for a bit, but I don't resent you."

Kurt rested his cheek against Blaine's hair, gripping his side firmly. "You shouldn't be so wonderful."

"Please, don't say—"

"Let me be in love with you, okay? I love you so much and I'm perfectly happy to think you're the most amazing person I've ever met. Just leave it, Blaine. You're wonderful."

Blaine sighed softly, his hot breath ghosting across the skin of Kurt's chest. "Thank you."

"You don't have to—"

"Kurt." Blaine laughed a little and the sound wasn't as strained as either of them had expected. "Let me be grateful."

Kurt let himself smile at that. He looked at the top of Blaine's head, then pressed a tentative kiss to it. Blaine tilted his head up, his bright hazel eyes staring right into Kurt's. The boy felt a flip of guilt when he saw that the lashes were still wet with tears and the eyes rimmed with red. Blaine noticed his frown and reached up, hand only shaking the tiniest bit, to brush his fingertips across it. Kurt's muscles relaxed immediately. Blaine trailed his fingers down Kurt's nose, barely touching the skin. He danced them across each cheekbone, gave a gentle stroke to each side of his draw, just pressing enough to feel a slight hint of stubble. Finally, he held his fingers over Kurt's lips. Their eyes remained locked as Kurt kissed them, just holding his lips against Blaine's skin for a few seconds.

Blaine let his hand fall to Kurt's chest, splaying his fingers over the boy's heart. He leaned up, tilting his head back the tiniest bit, then paused when his lips were centimetres from Kurt's. His eyes fluttered closed, but Kurt's didn't. He wasn't misreading any signs this time. He wasn't overlooking any hesitation. He couldn't.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered, and the word brushed over Kurt's lips in a gust of air, "please kiss me. I want you to."

Kurt closed his eyes then. He leaned forwards blindly and his lips found the other boy's. He kissed Blaine as gently as he could; the most careful he could remember ever kissing him. It was just a simple pressing of lips, barely moving at all. He could feel Blaine trying to shift closer, about to deepen it, but Kurt pulled back.

"Baby steps, Blaine," he said, eyes still closed. He leaned his forehead against the other boy's. "Baby steps."

"But I wanted to."

"I know. But you'll want more until suddenly you don't any more. It will be too much before you expect it and I don't want that. I need you to trust me."

"I _do_ trust you."

"As much as you did before?"

Blaine shifted again, tucking his head under Kurt's chin. His voice was small when he spoke, almost too much like a child for Kurt to bear. "No."

"I understand that. I know it seems kind of redundant when we're still naked, but only small kisses for today, okay?"

"Oh, god," Blaine said, snorting. "We're still naked. This is ridiculous."

"I'm thinking of it as a positive thing," Kurt said, glad they could slip back into humour this easily. "At least you're letting me hold you."

Blaine shrugged against him. "I love you; I love it when you hold me. It shouldn't feel so right after…after this, but it does."

Kurt tilted his chin up to look him in the eyes. "I really am sorry," he said.

Blaine considered his momentarily, then pecked his lips, shocking the other boy a little. "I know. And I really do forgive you."

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><p><em>AN: Reviews are beautiful things. I'd love a few._


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